


The Greatest Gift Of All

by TeamKalinda



Series: A Year of Very Kalicia Holidays [7]
Category: Good Wife (TV)
Genre: Birthday, F/F, Holidays
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-27
Updated: 2012-09-27
Packaged: 2017-11-15 04:20:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/523085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeamKalinda/pseuds/TeamKalinda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the sake of our series timeline, Kalinda's birthday takes place sometime in early/mid-August. </p>
<p>Still somewhat horrified that she'd even allowed herself to tell Alicia when her birthday is, Kalinda finds herself fraught with worry over what she might be planning. Alicia isn't new to this game, however, and does her best to adjust accordingly. Not everything goes exactly as planned, but sometimes spending time with the one you love is the only thing that matters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Greatest Gift Of All

**Author's Note:**

> This is the seventh in a series of 10 fics inspired by a holiday challenge. Each fic will give a holiday themed snap-shot of the evolving relationship between Alicia and Kalinda through the time span of one year.

Kalinda had begun to grow accustomed to Alicia’s habit of asking what seemed like harmless questions during times in which she was unlikely to be expecting it. ‘What’s your favorite color …your favorite food...’ etc. She had backed off some from her tequila fueled ‘are you gay?’ days. She’d gotten a satisfactory enough answer to that one eventually, but had clearly learned from the process. 

Really it was only fair. Even when she was doing her very best not to be evasive; Kalinda just couldn’t seem to bring herself to be forthcoming about personal details without the proper prompting. Alicia was, of course, an open book, whether she wanted to be or not. It didn’t exactly take special investigative skills to infer the feelings of one whose exasperated eye roll was practically as instinctual as breathing. 

Kalinda contented herself with the thought that, at the very least, these questions were not the deeply probing inquiries she might expect and maybe even deserved given the promises she had made to do her best to be more open. As such, she’d developed her own habit of answering as honestly as possible. 

The questioning was never as random as Alicia tried to make it appear. Spur of the moment at times, perhaps, but always carefully considered and deliberate. Alicia’s respect and tireless commitment to attempting to maneuver through the treacherous minefield that was Kalinda’s emotional existence – a part of herself that Kalinda, given the option, always chose to shut down or tightly control rather than try to understand – was deserving of her honesty, however fraught with insecurities it might be at times. And, not to be under valued; Kalinda reveled in her girlfriend’s forever failed attempts to hide her feelings of triumph when she received the responses she asked for.

‘When’s your birthday?’ was a question asked one Saturday morning as they were lounging on Alicia’s couch. She had used covering them with a blanket as an excuse to pull her closer; but the real scandal of the moment was that Kalinda had been enjoying the warmth and security of her girlfriend’s arms far too much to even think about objecting. 

Alicia was flipping through the channels when she happened upon an infomercial about zodiac gemstones. Kalinda hadn’t thought about the consequences at the time. It was unlike her, even with Alicia, but it had been so long since she’d even acknowledged the date with any kind of significance that she hadn’t recognized the harm. As was inevitable though, it had caught up with her. 

Alicia was planning something. Kalinda knew she had the best of intentions, she always did, but even the thought made her uncomfortable. She had tried to drop hints to the effect that she’d rather not make a big deal out of her birthday, but it seemed almost against the norms of human nature to actually believe someone who said they truly didn’t want to celebrate the event of their birth. If she wanted to avoid the likes of a full blown panic attack just from the idea of a surprise party or something even worse – even if she didn’t have friends that would come to a party, Alicia did - she was going to have to be incredibly blunt. Leaving their usual bar after they’d both had a few drinks seemed like as good a time as any. 

“I need to talk to you about what you’re planning for my birthday.” Alicia smiled knowingly. 

“It’s nothing you need to worry about. I promise.” 

“But I am worried.” Kalinda spoke quickly before she lost her nerve. “I trust you, Alicia. I do. But you know the kind of control issues I have. I understand that this is important to you and I’ve tried to let it go, I really have, but I just can’t…” Alicia stopped walking and turned to look at her. 

“Thank you for telling me,” she said seriously. “Your honesty means more to me than anything I might have been planning ever could.” 

“I’m sorry for being such a killjoy…” Alicia put her arm around Kalinda as they continued to make their way through the parking lot. 

“Not at all. I could never enjoy something that upset you. …and you never know. If I really put my mind to it I might even be able to come up with something for us to do this weekend that won’t leave you even more psychologically scarred than you already are.”

***

Kalinda opened the door of her SUV to find a beautiful bouquet of brightly colored tulips on the passenger’s seat. She looked around quickly as if anyone in an observable distance might have been able to see the way her heart fluttered as the significance washed over her. Alicia. Alicia was the only one that could completely disarm her without even being present. And for her part, Kalinda was often caught of guard by and unsure what to do with the type of warm fuzzy feelings that Lockhart/Gardner’s in-house investigator would never actually admit to having.

The vast majority of her relationships had ended with accusations of her being unbearably cold, selfish, and interested only in her own preservation. She knew it was true, but she also knew the less she invested, the easier it would be to walk away when it ended…and it always ended. Of course, it was different with Alicia; everything was different with Alicia. Alicia made her feel things even when her walls were all the way up, and, as much as that unnerved her at times, she had to admit that there were moments when it was a refreshing change of pace. 

What she saw as a failure to live up to her own expectations for herself, succumbing to human weaknesses, Alicia saw as an achievement of an entirely different sort. Alicia made her feel as if anything she felt, no matter how irrational it might seem, was important and legitimized just by the fact that she felt it. As much as she struggled with it at times, she knew it was a healthy perspective. 

‘What’s your favorite flower?’ was a question Alicia had asked as Kalinda was zipping up her boots following what had been anything but a business lunch. She’d never really given it any thought before that moment. She had never really been the type of girl people sent flowers to. It hadn’t even occurred to her to have a preference, but she didn't want to tell Alicia that.

Alicia was the type of person that still had the dried, pressed petals of her senior prom corsage locked away in a hope chest somewhere. She wouldn’t understand that Kalinda didn’t feel as if she’d missed out on anything. If Alicia wanted to feel sorry for her, there were much more important things she could help her regret. Still, she knew better than to try to come up with an answer she thought Alicia wanted to hear. She’d been rightfully called out on deviating down that path once before. So, she talked about the first thing that came to mind. 

The aerial photographs of the Holland tulip fields were one of the most beautiful things she’d ever seen. She’d been talking to museum employees for a case Will was working on – Alicia hadn't even started at the firm yet – and the exhibit had completely taken her by surprise. She wasn’t accustomed to being moved like that…by anything. 

She’d once heard a song lyric about feeling small standing beside the ocean. That was sort of how it struck her. There was just something overwhelming about thousands of tiny delicate flowers, each beautiful in their own right, coming together to create a rainbow patchwork that literally stretched for acres. Even the idea of that kind of immensity had, just for a few minutes, brought her a much unexpected feeling of freedom from the chaotic details of her everyday life. She’d found it fascinating in a way she couldn’t really describe and she’d felt incredibly foolish about half-way through trying to do so for Alicia. 

There was a reason she was far more informed about the specifications of handguns than of floral arrangements. It wasn’t just who she was, but also what was expected of her. It was how her life had been, more or less, for as long as she could remember. She’d adapted in order to survive because that was better than the alternative. But to think of herself as a person that liked tulips, a person that was afforded the ability and opportunity to take pleasure in the beauty of something so simple – it took her outside of her conception of herself as a person. It allowed her a dimension of enjoyment of life that she’d always seen as a luxury she couldn’t afford. That is, until Alicia had gotten inside her head. 

She felt a rush of embarrassment just recalling her foray into explaining why tulips were her favorite, but it was greatly overpowered by how touched she was that Alicia had remembered. And by how much she actually liked being the kind of girl someone sent flowers to. 

She was still smiling as she opened the attached note.

 

***** 

 

Alicia was nervous – not the paralyzing kind of anticipation she once might have felt – but anxious about Kalinda’s response nonetheless. The instinct to feel hurt by her girlfriend’s insecurities _almost_ hadn’t registered this time. The fact that Kalinda had been willing to talk about it, bringing it up on her own even, had given Alicia a feeling of security in the trust between them that was far more powerful than any sense of ownership in the cause of the problem. In truth, she had been considering several different approaches to her love’s birthday for some time, deciding on one only after their discussion the night before. 

Things had been good between them lately – maybe the best they’d ever been. Their ability to successfully navigate the rough spot that had been Kalinda’s instinctual aversion to any relationship lasting more than 6 months seemed to reaffirm the commitment they had made to each other.

It had been a busy summer at the firm. Alicia found herself juggling so many cases she was seriously considering demanding an explanation the next time the partners announced the firm was in financial trouble. They would; of course, it was as inevitable as Abernathy jumping on the bandwagon of the next great liberal cause. The poor economy wasn’t helping anyone, but there were days Alicia was sure that playing the stock market would be a less dramatic way of making a living than working at Lockhart/whoever it was this week. It was beyond ironic how, while providing a whole new set of issues unique to herself; Kalinda had helped Alicia to relax about many of the things she used to spend her time worrying about. 

“The firm is either going to go under one of these days or it’s not,” Kalinda had said with a shrug, taking a sip of her drink. “You do what you can to help the people you care about and then you do what you have to do for you. Most problems have solutions, but some things are unsalvageable. If that means starting over some place else, well, that’s just the way it goes sometimes.” 

Fatigue and tequila had left Alicia not as sharp as she would have been otherwise, yet the analogy being made between a career path on one hand and Kalinda’s entire life on the other hadn’t gone unnoticed. But then her girlfriend had asked if she’d ever given any thought to running a food truck. She hadn’t realized it until that very moment, but obviously operating a food truck was the perfect thing for them to do if the lawyer/investigator thing didn’t pan out after all. Giggling and making suggestions for potential menu items had proved preferable to any kind of serious introspection in the moment. That was one of Alicia’s favorite things about Kalinda, her ability to make her laugh and feel like everything would work itself out somehow even when their whole world was one disgruntled wife murdering client away from falling apart around them. 

A few weeks ago, Kalinda had helped ease Alicia’s guilt about being an inattentive parent by reminding her that she had raised the kind of children that when left unattended did things like covert baptisms – not exactly the worst kind of trouble they could get into in Chicago. While her overwhelmed schedule left her wanting for more time with her kids whom, she was sure would rather be spending the time with their friends anyway, it had been good for her relationship with Kalinda. They had come to really value the time they got to spend together and had learned to appreciate the little things that were so easily taken for granted. 

“So you want to take me to the planetarium?” 

Alicia looked up, startled. Once she’d forced a stop to her reflection on events already taken place and worry about those yet to come, it had taken a great deal of concentration to force herself to focus and she hadn’t heard Kalinda enter her office. There was a mixed expression of intrigued amusement on her lover’s face. 

“There’s something I want to show you. It’ll just be us and I really do think you’ll like it.” Kalinda nodded. 

“Uh huh, and I need to clear my entire weekend for this?” 

“Well, not for that specifically, but we’ve never really struggled to find a way to entertain ourselves, so…” 

“Alright, you’ve convinced me.” Alicia smiled. That had gone easier than she’d expected.

“Right now, though, the partners want us to sit in on a meeting.” 

“Both of us?” 

“Diane stopped me in the hallway and told me to bring my other half. I _assumed_ she meant you.” 

That a comment like that could be made and Kalinda would accept it in the lighthearted way in which it was intended – to repeat it even – was the kind of thing that not long ago Alicia had barely dared to hope for. Of course, Diane was granted a little lenience. Their employer had been unexpectedly supportive of their relationship from its early days and over time proven to be a wonderful friend to them both. Still, Kalinda’s reaction was significant, more significant in Alicia’s mind than the fact that they were being called into a meeting neither of them would usually attend. Rather than worry about the details of what they were getting into, she reached for her girlfriend’s hand, just briefly, as they walked towards her office door. Whatever was to come, at least they had each other. 

“So, where did you find fresh Tulips this time of year on such short notice?” Kalinda asked, squeezing her hand in acknowledgement. 

Alicia grinned; suddenly too pleased with herself to bother trying to hide it. 

“You’d be amazed by the things you can acquire with a Visa and an internet connection.” Kalinda chuckled. 

“Thank you. They’re beautiful.” 

“Well, so are you. I found them appropriate.”

***

The Adler Planetarium, not being the hottest spot in Chicago to spend a Saturday afternoon in mid-August, was more or less deserted, which was exactly that Alicia had hoped for. Kalinda was in an exceptionally good mood and they’d had a wonderful day together so far. Over lunch Kalinda had told her that she’d never been to a planetarium before but she’d looked Adler up online. Of course she had. But she had almost sounded excited and it was so endearing Alicia nearly couldn’t contain herself.

For all the ways it could be complicated, loving Kalinda was also incredibly simple. She had theories about asteroids that were admittedly based solely on the plots of Bruce Willis movies. She thought it was sad that Pluto was and then wasn’t a planet through no fault of its own. And Alicia didn’t even care that it was obvious Kalinda was trying to make her laugh; it was working. She’d been smiling for so long her face was beginning to hurt. 

“This is what I wanted to show you. …give your eyes a few seconds to adjust, okay?” 

Kalinda raised an eyebrow, but merely nodded, moving closer as they stepped through a door into a room that appeared at first to be completely devoid of light. Kalinda held onto Alicia’s arm. She was so close she could hear her breathing, felt her gasp when she realized what they were looking at. 

“This is amazing.” 

Alicia watched Kalinda’s face as she took in the simulation of a cloudless night sky. Alder was the only place in Chicago to see ‘stars’ like this. She had memorized the constellations so long ago they seemed to be something she had always been familiar with. She took comfort in their reliability and the way her own troubles, no matter how serious, always seemed to be dwarfed, put into perspective somehow, by the mere contemplation of the vastness of the universe. 

Alicia had never told anyone about her fascination with the stars. No one knew she knew the floor plan of the planetarium in every city she’d lived in since she started college. This was her escape. Everyone had their secrets and it had never been something she wanted to share. It wasn’t exactly scandalous, but it wasn’t easy to put into words, either. Doing so seemed like it would be such an effort and God forbid the person she chose to confide in found it to be ridiculous – as she had always worried one might – it would break her heart. But Kalinda could relate somehow; she’d all but already told her so. 

The thing about the tulips had come as a complete surprise. Alicia threw random questions at her girlfriend because it was the only way to learn anything new about her, because she let her do it which was interesting all on its own, and because every once in awhile it prompted an actual meaningful exchange. But this had been unprecedented. She’d asked about her favorite flower and suddenly Kalinda was talking to her about tulips and museums, but also about feelings – feelings Alicia could relate to only too well. Then she’d looked flustered and started to shut down. Alicia hadn’t pressed her, hadn’t said much at all, being so caught off guard and left with so much to process. But one thing was for sure; she had felt a connection with Kalinda in that moment that was deeper than anything she’d imagined possible. 

“I wanted to show you this because it was the first thing I thought of when you were telling me about how the tulips made you feel. This is my version. I’ve never told anyone about it, but I want to share it with you. I want to share everything with you.” 

“Alicia -” For the first time all day Kalinda seemed unsure of herself, but Alicia, extremely familiar with Kalinda’s uncertainty crossing the line between playful and serious, simply squeezed her hand and continued. 

“And I want to share more than a simulation of a night sky and pictures of tulips. We can do better than that. I found myself thinking about how I’d give you the world if I could, and then I thought – well why not? Today I’m showing this, but I’m going to take you to Holland to see the tulips, Kalinda. The next time they’re in season; I promise. I know you like to have some time to prepare yourself for this kind of thing, so consider yourself notified.”

Kalinda didn’t speak but her breathing had become uneven. The next thing Alicia was aware of she was being wrapped in a tight embrace. 

“Thank you,” Kalinda whispered. “For everything.”

***

The restaurant where Alicia had made dinner reservations wasn’t far from the planetarium. The weather had been nice all day and there was no reason to think the walk would be a problem, but as they stepped outside it became clear that a storm was blowing in from the lake. They had managed to get halfway to their destination when Alicia realized grabbing a cab would probably be their best bet. Unfortunately, it seemed everyone had come to the same conclusion and available taxis were the kind of scarce you would expect in New York rather than Chicago. They were in the middle of a sidewalk with no convenient shelter when the sky broke open.

They had been drier the last time they’d showered together and as pointless as she knew it was to be angry about such a thing; Alicia couldn’t help feeling upset about the sudden derailing of their amazing evening. Kalinda grasped onto her arm as they crossed the street. It was raining almost too hard to see. Finally, Alicia pushed open a door and they stumbled into the lobby of the Blackstone Marriott. She was completely thrown by the sound of Kalinda’s laughter. 

“You find this amusing?” she asked, even more surprised by the fact that she was suddenly biting back laughter of her own. 

“What kind of response were you hoping for?” Kalinda asked, shaking her head at the absurdity of the last few minutes as she wiped at the makeup running in her eyes. 

Alicia had to think about a response and before she could come up with anything she saw a chill shake her girlfriend’s petite frame. The air conditioning of their new surroundings was a bit too much given their current state. 

“Let’s get a room.” Alicia said, liking the idea more even as she heard herself suggest it. Kalinda grinned deviously. 

“I like how you improvise.” Alicia mirrored her lover’s mischievous expression. 

“Wait until you see how I’m going to warm you up.” 

 

*****

 

Kalinda woke suddenly, sitting straight up in bed. It took several seconds for the events of the previous day to come rushing back and put the unfamiliar surroundings into context. A bright flash of lightening followed by a loud rumble of thunder confirmed what had woken her. The alarm clock on the bedside table read 3:26am. She sighed and stretched, the muscles in her back stiff from the foreign mattress. 

“What’s wrong?” Alicia’s voice was groggy and she was rubbing the sleep from her eyes as Kalinda turned towards her. 

“Nothing,” she replied, gently smoothing Alicia’s hair. “I’m sorry I woke you. Go back to sleep.” 

“Are you sure?” Alicia was fully awake now. “You didn’t have a bad dream?” 

“I’m fine,” Kalinda said softly. She waited patiently while Alicia studied her face in the darkness. The worst of the nightmares left her so shaken it was impossible to hide. She knew the best way to convince Alicia she was alright was to allow her to make that determination for herself. Alicia smiled at her after a moment, finally assured. 

“Okay. Come here, then.” Kalinda lay down in Alicia’s arms, closing her eyes. As Alicia kissed her forehead and settled beside her it no longer matter where they were; she suddenly felt right at home.

***

“Good morning, birthday girl!” Kalinda groaned and buried her face in her pillow. “Come on, sunshine. I ordered breakfast.” Alicia wasn’t going to give up

“Hold me?” Kalinda murmured, a last ditch effort, not even bothering to lift her head. Alicia’s chuckle was proof that it hadn’t been in vain. 

“That’s not fair. You just don’t want to get up and you know I can’t resist an opportunity to cuddle with you.” Kalinda grinned victoriously as she felt Alicia’s arms wrap around her, but she waited only a moment before turning to look into her lover’s eyes. It was one thing to exploit her weakness; it was something else entirely to abuse the privilege. 

“You’re so beautiful,” Alicia said, stroking her hair and then it was Kalinda’s turn to laugh. 

“Naturally, I’m always at my most stunning when I’ve just woken up.”

***

“I’m sorry I didn’t actually buy you anything…” Kalinda looked up from her eggs to find Alicia watching her anxiously.

“What do you mean?” 

“For your birthday. I didn’t buy you anything.” 

“Alicia,” Kalinda motioned around the room with her fork. “This entire weekend has been more than – “ 

“I mean like an actual tangible gift. God knows I wanted to, I thought about it. I thought about it a lot. I looked for something, but nothing seemed right. I was so afraid of getting it wrong that I ended up with nothing. I know that sounds ridiculous, but – “ 

“No,” Kalinda shook her head. “It doesn’t sound ridiculous. It sounds exactly like the kind of thing you’d do. It’s sweet. I don’t know why you’d think I wouldn’t be able to relate to feeling anxious about getting this relationship right.” Alicia smiled sheepishly as the tension visually lifted from her body. 

“I _am_ a little disappointed though, that you didn’t arrange my breakfast food to reflect my age the way they do on _Breaking Bad_.” 

It took everything Kalinda had not to laugh out loud at the expression on Alicia’s gorgeous face as she tried to quickly process what had just been said to her. Even if it wasn’t a very nice thing to do, Kalinda enjoyed being able to confound her girlfriend on purpose from time to time. 

“I don’t know how old you are.” 

“You haven’t asked.” In that moment Kalinda would have told her. She felt so relaxed and content that she would have told her just about anything. 

“And I don’t intend to. There are so many more interesting things to know about you. Like for instance… _Breaking Bad_?” 

“Your son watches _Breaking Bad_.” 

“Zach?” 

“You have another one I don’t know about? I know there are thing I haven’t told you about my past, Alicia, but if you’ve got a litter of children you haven’t told me about -”

“A litter?!” Alicia exclaimed, nearly choking on her orange juice. 

“You’re the one that has kids,” Kalinda smirked. “Forgive me if I’m not up to date with the terminology. A herd, perhaps? A pod? A gaggle?” 

“STOP.” Alicia shook her head, still laughing. “Just stop.” 

Kalinda shrugged and returned to her eggs. 

“So when, exactly, were you watching television with my son?” Kalinda did her best to appear nonchalant. 

“You want me to continue, then?” 

“KALINDA!” 

“Alright, alright.” Kalinda acquiesced with an overly dramatic sigh. She realized she had taken this round as far as it would go and her talent for making her girlfriend scream her name could be put to better use at another time. 

“I don’t know if you realize this or not, but any time I’m left alone in a room with either of your kids – which isn’t very often, and I’m not sure who exactly you intend to benefit with that – they seem to feel the need to entertain me. You take a phone call from Will and I get to hear about Grace’s creative writing project. Your neighbor drops by to try to sign you up for one thing or another and Zach tells me about this show he’s watching that I’d probably enjoy. Industrial synthesis of illicit substances and cartel killings, ya know, the kind of thing I can really relate to. It made my entire week that he seems to think my life is that exciting. It’s not of course, most of the time. I have to admit, though, he did pique my interest about the show.” 

“How did I not know this was going on?” Alicia seemed genuinely surprised. “I didn’t even get to hear about Grace’s creative writing project.” 

Suddenly Kalinda felt an unexpected pang of guilt. The rapid change of mood almost took her breath away. 

“I’m sorry,” she said softly. 

“No, no. Don’t apologize.” Alicia said quickly. “Does it bother you that they talk to you like that?” 

“No, of course not.” Kalinda surprised even herself with how easily that response had come. 

“Then why didn’t you tell me?” This would be a bit trickier. 

“I like your kids, Alicia. You know, as far as kids go, they’re alright. They still make me anxious at times, I hardly ever know what to say to them which is why they tend to do all the talking and they’re probably just as grateful as I am that I won’t ever be expected to serve as a parental figure, but I kinda like them all the same. I especially like the things about them that remind me of you. I like that they make you happy. …and I like that in a few years they’ll both be off at college. The whole ordeal is a new experience for me and I wouldn’t have known where to start if I’d tried to tell you about it.” 

Alicia seemed to be struggling to find the right words for a response. And then, all at once, she found them. 

“I love you so much.” 

“I love you, too.” 

Kalinda’s reply was as automatic as it was genuine. It was a statement far more telling than the answer to any question ever could be and Alicia seemed only mildly surprised. She tenderly ran her fingers across Kalinda’s cheek, looking deep into her eyes for a long moment before speaking again.

“I know. I know you do. You show me everyday. But thank you for telling me. Somehow, on your birthday, you’ve managed to give me the greatest gift I could ever ask for.”


End file.
